A Film About Anxiety - Videoed in the Scottish Highlands
To give this film a little context, it’s only recently that I’ve understood that anxiety is a mental health condition. I became used to living with anxiety and didn't realise that being constantly anxious wasn't normal. This is a film for those that anxiety follows constantly, defining and shaping their lives.
The script to the film: Anxiety is defined as a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome.
Symptoms can include • sweating • dizziness • trembling • increased heartbeat • restlessness • muscle tension • avoidance
But that doesn’t really tell us much, you see let me try to explain. It’s that feeling deep in the pit of your stomach, you feel out of control, it’s a spiralling pressure. I can’t stand, can’t sit, can’t lie, can’t be. To move forward to move back, will someone please help me? I know others wonder why I’m anxious, why does that little thought stress you so much? When for someone else it seems like nothing.
But I’m so in tune with my feelings my senses you see. Yeah to you it might seem like nothing but to me it manifests, it twists and it turns like a cancer filling my brain, I feel f—— insane. When will it stop? Why can’t I live in the present . I know I only have one shot.
I can cry a lot.
That feeling of walking every step with the deathly weight, knowing that you cannot explain to your mate, why it all feels so fucking bad. Then being told ‘not to worry’ it’ll just pass. Sadly telling me to calm down, to not worry won’t help. It’s like telling a relaxed person to get stressed. News flash, they won’t. With no ‘proper career’, attempting to live outside the box, I’m too scared of routine, but too skint without it. Get your car, pay your rent, while saving up to buy a house, move forward in your career, be better do better, get married, have kids, wait your gay…. That doesn’t work in with the plan.
Stay healthy, stay fit, be educated, stay present, stay connected, reply instantly to your emails that ping up on your phone every two f—— seconds.
So what’s the solution, I don’t really have one. But what I do have is outside.
Come above the clouds When I’m outside, I can be disconnected, well disconnected from some of the pressure. You see swap mobile phones for campfires, alarm clocks for bird song. Messages on the group chat for real conversation, Disconnected from the crap, connected to the present. This is real time, this is why were were invented.
Let the laughter happen, let the tears fall. If you too suffer from anxiety you’ll know it often doesn’t stop at all. But to find that space that makes your feel free, it’s so important to give yourself that opportunity. If you love routine, then that’s alright. But for those that don’t, who can’t, it’s fine to fight.
Make that space for yourself, to connect to what’s real. I’ve found staying true to myself is helping me really deal. Anxiety does really cripple and crawls and I know that if you feel it all. Running across your skin, along your bones and through your blood. It’s as harsh and as destructive as a real life flood.
Thank goodness I get to take the time out within nature, because without it my mental health would really be in danger.